some juicy news
Sunday, April 05, 2009 (9:13 PM)
faithful followers of this semi-dull weblog would know i hardly talk about my life here. perhaps even lesser about my love life. 'cause i actually don't have much to talk about. at the same time, i dread revealing too much about myself here. did you notice the lack of photos? at the very least, if repercussions do come of it, i have more time to remain unidentified until a search professional is hired to do a google on me. that's right. i am the south korean golfer.
i haven't felt a certain way in a long while 'cause i haven't met someone who could make me feel that way in that same length of time. a recent discovery roused some emotions which i didn't expect to feel.
i recall many years ago, this certain friend of mine sat beside me in class. we were pretty close back then, till a chinese test where she had difficulty answering 2 of the questions. being seated to my left, she turned around and asked for an answer. i shared my answer with her and she wrote it down happily. moments later, she asked for the answer of another question. i thought cheating for one question was bad enough. i pretended not to hear her and refused to share my answer the second time. being a considerably outstanding student in mandarin in class, she was certain i knew the answer and she knew i just didn't want to share it with her. following which, she decided to stop talking to me.
i was a little affected when she ignored me and it carried on for the next 4 days. on the fourth day when i was at the bus stop on the way home, a friend passed me an envelope with a card in it and told me he was told by her to pass it to me. i opened it and read it. it had something like some checkboxes on why this card is given and she checked 2 boxes. one of which read "i'd like to say hello" and the other read "吃饱没事做". below the checkboxes was a message that said she was sorry and actually wanted to not talk to me for 1 week but could only hold out 4 days. interestingly, she signed off with a question mark, not wanting to write her name.
following which, things were slightly different between us but when we went to different classes the following year, all contacts were gone. in spite of the fact that she was only next door, i don't recall seeing her at all for the next 2 years.
some time after o levels, while working at music junction, i met her again when she happened to walk into the shop. i was really happy to talk to her again. i was waiting to enter temasek polytechnic then and when i heard that she went to tp for the 1st 3 months, i was rejoicing within myself. but she followed by saying she didn't like it there and will be entering ngee ann polytechnic instead. my heart kinda sank for a moment.
we then lost contact again for the next 3 years or so. some time later, she found me on friendster and i was again feeling happy but we didn't really talk much then. later, i found out she was studying in australia and nearing her final year, we began chatting on msn almost every day. but at that time, she already had a boyfriend one year our junior and she didn't seem to recall the chinese test incident. sometimes when she had trouble or worries, she'd confide in me and told me a secret supposedly nobody else knows. to be honest, i don't know in detail either. i just know what she told me.
we said we'd meet up again when she returns from australia. but when she returned, we sorta stopped contacting again. she did drop a message a day after she landed saying to meet up someday but that was the only one message.
i realised sometimes in the depths of my heart, i secretly wished for her and her boyfriend to break up someday so that we may have a chance. because she had a boyfriend, i didn't want to do anything to upset that relationship. my principle is to not get involved with another's girlfriend because if i have a girlfriend, i wouldn't want others to get involved with her either. although i have friends who tell me i should fight for it.
her display pictures on msn were almost never her boyfriend's but somehow it seemed that their relationship were going pretty strong though i do know of a number of quarrels. after some years, i accepted that they were going to be together for long and perhaps going to get married. inside, i gave my blessings. but somehow, i occasionally still hope for something.
some months ago, we started chatting for a bit again and stopped again. a moment ago, i saw a photo album that she titled "beginning of a new life". i was surprised. for some reason, i was afraid that she was married or due to get married. i looked at the photos and captions and realised, she had broken up with the younger guy.
but she's now with someone else and this new relationship started a month ago.
to be honest, i didn't know i still feel that way for her. but i guess i missed my chance again.