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    contactophobia
    Monday, October 30, 2006 (8:52 PM)

    it's been confirmed! the girl working at the 7-eleven in my neighbourhood has contactophobia!

    both times i bought things from her and both times when i try to pass her the coins, her hand keeps lowering, thus, to reduce her predicament, i had to drop the coins on her hand. and when she returns me change, she literally throws the coins into my hands.

    it's either contactophobia or osteoporosis. i'm certain. then again, i'm a gentle person, it's not as if i'm gonna break her bones so it's gotta be contactophobia!


    the difference between spouse and love
    Tuesday, October 24, 2006 (8:31 PM)

    a quote suddenly flashed in my mind.

    months ago when i was having lunch at amoy street, i overheard a conversation between 2 ladies around my age. let's call one "idealist" and the other "realist".

    idealist was asking realist about her boyfriend who was serving army at that time. she said to realist something about marriage and to my surprise and to idealist's surprise, she actually said the person she loves the most is not her boyfriend but they will probably get married. thanks to idealist, our curiousity is fed. she probed further, "why?" and realist said, "it's like that what. you will never marry the person you love the most. no one marries the person they love the most." imagine what her boyfriend's reaction would be if he had heard it.

    if i didn't remember wrongly, there was a mention about that there will be somethings about the person you love the most that makes you unable to live with the other party but somehow, you will still love the person more than anyone else. i can't imagine myself marrying someone i love less than another. then again, i might since the person i love the most might not even reciprocate.

    what's your thought?


    nice guy my foot
    Monday, October 23, 2006 (7:24 PM)

    i appreciate it when people throw me compliments but after some time, i'm kinda getting sick of it. but i'm not really blaming those who adorn me with them.

    you know, it's nice to hear compliments and people tell you all the traits you have, that you're a nice guy, that you'd make a good boyfriend and all these shit. but at the bottom of it, the thought of having you as a boyfriend probably never crossed their minds. they'd just treat you as a very very nice and close friend. period.

    let's face it, people just say you will be a nice boyfriend but what these girls want are not nice boyfriends. fucked-up men are hot stuff. not literally but it appears that they are. ok, i'm just assuming. i'm guilty of that. and you, don't think i dunno you are assuming that i've just been rejected or some kinda shit. no i haven't, yet. haha... anyway, just some comic relief and a venting ground for all nice men who share the same kind of shit.

    nice guy rules! my foot!


    ups and downs minus the ups
    Wednesday, October 18, 2006 (1:12 AM)

    paid $70+ at snec today. went to school and subsequently headed for driving. alighted 2 stops from destination so had to walk there. realised i didn't have enough cash. walked another 2 stops down to draw money. walked back 1 stop and took a bus for 1 stop back to driving centre. perspired like mad. engine stalled for the first time while on the road. got back home, missed first 30 mins of 子宫. someone released a test date in january. then i clicked the wrong button and someone else got it. got called an doesn't-sound-so-flattering name and pulled by the wrong person with the wrong person. how much further can things go?


    i wanna fight
    Sunday, October 15, 2006 (6:56 PM)

    yes, i don't wanna just squat in the corner where no one sees. i've often imagined myself being all gracious about what i feared most but i realised, i can't. we regret things we didn't do more than things we did. so fuck it! i'm going to do it! am i?

    thought materializes easily. if you think you "want" to fight, you body and soul will do exactly that - want. period.

    it's not going to take any further step for you. it'll just stick to what you think. which is to "want" to fight. just that desire. nothing more, nothing less.

    this time, i tell myself "i am fighting". i hope i am. man's fear for its inadequacies is the greatest hindrance. think and be. the ultimate state of Self.


    patterns of life
    Saturday, October 14, 2006 (1:06 PM)

    there hasn't been a lot of words in the past few entries. as i've warned in my first post ever that i'll gradually become a minimalist, the time seem to have come.

    the recurring patterns of life seem to have tamed me from rambling about the going-ons just so the polar opposite wouldn't happen. i think i am getting past this phase. or am i? as i psycho myself into believing that things don't not happen just because i think about it happening, i question myself at this deduction. but mind is a queer thing. it seems to be yours while at the same time the relation seem to be the other way round. a lot of times i try not to think of something but this certain image keeps appearing in my mind.

    as what i've read, whatever issues that confronts you, face it. look straight at it and it disappears. the more you resist, the more materialized it becomes because resistance is the acknowledgement of its existence. but inspirational books don't work overnight. it takes time to take its effect. the old adage, "think before you act" is in "God's" words, not what it should be. sometimes we think too much that we don't act, for the better or for the worse. the only way to change your thinking is to reverse the whole process. act-say-think. do the deed then put it in words and it'll gradually become a reflexive thought.

    so, i've taken the first step to changing my thinking by putting my thoughts and expectations here and i certainly do hope that it won't prove me wrong as it has been doing so much of my life. or perhaps i read too much into the relation between thought and deed but i'm sure the relation exists. now i'm holding back again. give me time to think...

    -thinking in process-

    ok. what's the big deal? after all, i've decided to keep my blessing for the one i love regardless of what turns out. sometimes i just couldn't let go even though most of the time, i've managed to convince myself of my decision. holding on to the possession called for "action" and rolled the film of that figure in my arms. as i relish in the artificial world of thought, i've resigned myself to my fabricated truth. this fabrication, however, could very well be the actual truth.

    when i started off this, all i wanted to say was, i've passed my final theory test last night and hopes everything goes well for my practical. car wise, i don't know when the time will come when i can finally get one, but i do harbour the thought that i can get one soon or at least have one in the family where i can use it for the benefit of the resetter. that was after all the reason that pushed me to go for my license asap. but how much of this hope is going to materialize is another issue.

    i've performed the deed. or have i? somehow, i'm still holding back on some issues but i'm taking time to move along. this irritable thought pattern is causing social autism in me. i need to let go and get back out to the open where i can just shoot what comes to me - with self-censorship, that is. i sure hope that this self-censorship doesn't get to the extent where i retreat back into my circle of mental-autism.

    at the very least, i won't be saying things like "jews are the cause of all the wars in the world" in a drunken stupor. much less to a cop who catches me drunk, driving.


    mis-felt
    Wednesday, October 11, 2006 (6:30 PM)

    wrong feeling...


    nirvana
    Monday, October 09, 2006 (10:38 PM)

    it's coming... i can feel it...


    screwed by the silent invader
    Wednesday, October 04, 2006 (10:15 PM)

    I think it's quite mean to say that but from what i can see, i'm pretty much screwed by this person. or maybe by myself. maybe i should stop being such a nosey parker or try too hard. i've been resetted before and i'm being resetted again. it's tiring. i wanna give up. i've tried giving up before but it didn't work. wrenching my heart.

    when will u realise?