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i skipped lecture today. i haven't read plato's republic, i haven't been doing my history readings, i have a quiz tomorrow, i am jamming tonight, i have a book to read and the lecture will be casted on the web. i seem to have so many things that i haven't done but somehow, i don't feel like doing them because i just borrowed a book and i want to finish reading it first. i'm beginning to get more worried about my english modules and singapore studies module. i'm totally lost and i didn't do my readings! i'm glad to find out that the computing module final exam is open book and multiple choice. muwahahaha... though i didn't buy the textbook. philosophy is multiple choice but understanding the concepts is tough. one of the english module is open book but i understand nothing about it! another english module is not open book.

well, the book i borrowed is 'the orion mystery'. somewhere in the introductory chapters spoke of the egyptian god atum and ra. quoting from the text, 'atum-ra masturbated and created shu, the air god, and tefnut, the moisture goddess.' did you ever know that you can produce offsprings by masturbating? no wonder i have no offsprings. anyway, diyi went to search for information about it and found that atum-ra is self-creating or something like that. that explains the created god and goddess - by masturbating, nonetheless.

i just finished plato's republic book 1. i don't really know how to explain it but if you have the time to spare, you can try reading this. tell me what you think of socrates after when you are done reading. i didn't understand why he was sentenced to death. maybe now i do.


we often hear of people who cry themselves to sleep. for my case, i cried myself awake. last night, i dreamt that my favourite cousin passed away. it was devastating. i tried finding out how it happened but no one offered to tell me. in fact, everyone refused to tell me. in the dream, mum told me to forget about finding out how and why it happened. she told me to just face the fact that it happened. i felt that something was seriously wrong. something must have happened that they chose to hide it from me. everyone i asked told me not to ask anymore. i was devastated. i was flooding tears and wailing madly like those scenes we often see on tv. i regretted not playing with my cousin more often. suddenly, i woke up and felt my eyes wet. lying on my left, my right hand reached to touch my face. tears. tomorrow, my relatives will be visiting. i had wondered where to go. after this dream, i'm bank on staying home to play with my cousin. he's only 6 year old. a petty little kid. but a cute one at that. my favourite cousin. this dream shook me. cherish before you lose anything.


i got back my jlpt1 results today. though i expected to fail, somewhere inside me was hoping for a miracle that read 'passed'. it didn't happen. i already prepared myself to see the word 'failed' in red, but when i saw the result slip, it didn't read 'failed'. the marking read 'not passed'.

well, the one good thing that happened was that i made some improvements from the 1st attempt. i scored around 206 for the first attempt. this time, i managed a 236. when i looked at the section1 result, i found it quite funny. 47/100. haha... tikam all the way. i had prayed that i tikam so accurately that i can manage a 70. i thought i could've done better for listening since i was more confident in it but only managed a 57.

so for all those who didn't pass, be thankful that you didn't fail.


newspaper writers are crazy over such word plays. i wonder why they didn't use the above as a headline for the report. i don't really know what's been going on. just glanced through some comments by some not-involved people and some were like accusing her of doing a paris hilton. the funny thing is, paris hilton is so amazingly filthy rich, yet it seems that any street punk is able to stroll into her living room, finish the lord of the rings trilogy, put things back nicely, do some household chores for her before getting away with whatever device that has her sex video in it. the people of the past build moats around their castle, she might as well run some helicopter choppers around her place to shred whoever attempts to get in. then get the hospital to collect transplantable organs and blood.

the straits times reported that many teachers found more appalling contents in their students' mobile phones. some examples are boys who took pictures of their girlfriends unclothed and showing them off to their friends. apparently, the teachers don't know how to weigh. a still picture showed to friends vs. a motion picture distributed over the internet. haven't you ever wondered why we see top 10 box office hits and top 10 new york times bestsellers but we don't see top 10 pictorials!

from the reports of so many youngsters storing sex videos or nude photos in their mobile phones, don't you find it disturbing? i had my first mobile phone when i was 17 and the screen was black and white. now these youngsters have mobile phones with video and audio capability! this isn't fair!


- god doesn't play dice -

then what's the purpose in the existence of arbitrariness? is there reason to say that 'idiosyncrasy' means to have an unusual behaviour towards something? there's no reason behind it, is there? perhaps it's not for mere mortals to comprehend. sometimes i wonder, what i am doing with my life. i hope it's not a socratic influence for i don't need a fatal cup of hemlock. i'm not examining my life now. i refuse to acknowledge that. but i do think about what i did, what i am doing and what i am going to do. is that an examination? what about you? where are you heading?


i read my cousin's blog last night and learnt that my uncle has been running 2 jobs day and night just so their family can get by. is this what life should be? socrates said, 'an unexamined life is not worth living'. does my uncle have the luxury to stop and examine his life? i wonder if he still has any idea on what it looks like for sunlight to shine into his home because it seems that all he sees shining into the living room is moonlight.

i get the luxury of taking a rest when i get tired doing my computing report. i get the luxury of sitting here thinking what socrates mean. i get the luxury of not having to worry about unpaid bills. what logical reason is there that my uncle doesn't deserve this?

i know of a person who doesn't have to worry about money. she has a loving husband and all she does is shop and gamble. is this then what life should be? somehow, i feel that it has reached a saturation point where buying things are no longer a satisfaction for her. she may seem a happy woman but somewhere in me, i find it pitiful that she can no longer gain simple pleasures in little things. how often have we struggled to work so hard and as the days go by, we get so excited about our salary coming in. one day every month, we slot in the atm card, see the figures increase, pay's in! celebration! rejoice! but no, i don't think she has that fortune to relish in these simple joys.

yes, my uncle may be struggling to keep up with the bills, but i have no doubt that the satisfaction he feels when he brings home money every month makes it all worthwhile for him. respect.


2nd post of the day. i've finally understood what makes christianity so repelling. it's not the religion. the religion is beautiful. the teachings are wonderfully divine as is with all other religions but the detestable thing about this religion is its people. of course i'm not implying that all christians behave like that. most christians i know are wonderful people to hang out with. but among the few religions present in our country alone, the christians are about the only people who behave like that and mind you, these are not born-christians; they are mainly converted christians. of course, they say they see the light and learn about their divine faith and i honestly think its a great thing for them that they found their faith. but the sickening thing is, they like to insult other people's religion and talk like they know everything. as the saying goes, 'the empty vassals make the most noise'. they like telling people they will go to hell because we don't share the same faith as them and because they just learnt a little from the bible about this new faith that connects with them, they start attacking people telling them that their faith is a fallacy and coming up with ways to prove that our belief is fallacious. they didn't realise that their so-called 'proofs' are diminishing their own belief as well. i believe most christians are nice people. it's only the few black sheeps especially the converted ones (i reiterate). you don't hear buddhists or taoists going around telling people they will go to hell just because you don't share the same faith as they do. the good thing is, such things are happening less and less and you don't find people preaching on the streets anymore. but the new christians tend to get on my nerves until they become more subtle and learn to respect others' religion as well. hey, i respect your religion so please do respect mine and stop imagining that only your religion is true. i believe different religions are not different faiths. we are all sharing the same faith in a different form. that's all.


i remember this episode where monica and co. forked out USD$50 each for the 24-state lottery. and when the others found out that monica had bought additional tickets for chandler and herself, the others went mad and reprimanded her. the conversation went something like this...

rachel: trust me, if you win, that'll be the last you'll see of us.
monica: fine! don't be my friends. i'll buy new friends. and i'll pay for their plastic surgery so they'll look just like you.

no i didn't win the lottery but i still bought friends. friends dvd, that is. after so many years of saying i want to collect the entire friends series, i've finally started doing something about it. i've thought of saving $1000 and buy all at one shot but i never manage to do that. even if i did save up to 1k, i doubt i would be willing to part with it like that, so i guess i'll just buy season by season. i'm wondering why the first season has a different packaging and it costs like $380-over. and they didn't even have excerpts, blurbs or even brief introductions. even the number 1 looked like a 7. so for many years, i've been wondering why season 7 had such a special packaging.

well well, i must have done something terribly wrong to needles in my previous life. this life, they are taking their revenge on me. i've had needles in almost every part of my body that you can think of and that you can't think of. *0_0* forget about the common arms and butt jabs. i'm talking about every other part besides that. i believe not many will experience as many needles as i have. i'm beginning to suspect i was 曹操 and the needles are 华陀. i'm sorry, i should've believed you.

no idea what i'm talking about? go read romance of the three kingdoms. it's a good epic. though i stopped reading for like 2 years at the chapter where 孔明 won 7 straight battles without fighting. someday i'll finish it. someday. i'm not going to say when. it's like 2 volumes of 60 chapters each. i'm tired. if you think my chinese is really good to be reading this, i'll let you in on a little secret. i'm reading it in english. muwahahahaha... so 曹操 becomes T'sao t'sao and 孔明 becomes K'ung Ming. But these are the mild ones. i can't make out who the characters are for some of the translations but it's ok. those people die within a few pages so i guess they're some minnows.

how did i get to talking about romance anyway? i'm sure it's nothing to do with valentines' though.


i just had dinner with a number of friends at lincoln's place last night. it was enjoyable and for some reasons, elyn and i were talking about careers and i realised that singapore's environment seems inhospitable to arts degree holders. and for the kind of careers i'm comtemplating, it's a situation of 2 variations; a lucrative industry and a not so desirable pit that i would want to jump in to. perhaps it's just because i'm not familiar enough with the industry i'm looking into and it's really tough to understand how much i could excel in that field here. the easy way out is the clear and concise route. i'm someone who hates troublesome things. who likes them anyway? it's a more straightforward route i'm going to take but i still harbour the hope of working in my dream line someday. the translation industry. for the moment, i'd choose to take a further route and if the plan does take off, i'd be off to japan or taiwan after graduation and look for a job there. but will this option make me stay out of singapore for good? i sure hope not. i wouldn't want to give up my citizenship here. i'm proud to be singaporean. politically correct answer but it's from the bottom of my heart. when this semester ends, it'll be 18 more months in singapore before i leave for japan or taiwan, depending on the situation. i just realised how short it's going to be before i leave this island. i'm going to miss my friends, family, the same old town area, the ease of going anywhere anytime. anyone going to miss me? try to make me stay then. if you manage to do it, it's probably because i love you. =) no discrimination but gays should not try.


i had thought my acquaintance with history had come to an end since leaving tpjc for tp. without a doubt, i'm dead certain that i didn't pass a single history test and exam in secondary 1 except for one miserable minor test. the first test that we were given when miss hoo first took over as our history teacher. she was a babe. fang zhuo used to sit at the back, palms together, both index and middle finger straightened like a bomoh ready to cast a chant, while stamping his foot, he would go, '衣服变不见，衣服变不见.' it was hilarious. then i got to tpjc for 3 months, and again, failed every single history assignment. i knew that sad truth - i suck. but history has found its way to me again, and it looks set to pull me down to where i had been again. this time, i can't afford to fail. no doubt, i was dealing with the history of japan, the history of how the modern political system came to be and the history of how the malays in southeast asia modernized in semester 1, but comparing southeast asia history and world history, i'm more academically inclined to the latter though i really suck at both. walk down the streets in town or drive around singapore, you see raffles this raffles that. raffles town club, raffles girls primary, raffles girls secondary, raffles institution, raffles junior college, westin stamford hotel, the list goes on and i thought that was it. but raffles refused to let me go. now that i'm doing singapore's military history, i have to deal with raffles, again! i had thought it would be about the history of saf. no! it's goes all the way from how fort canning came to be built and how all those cannons you see at sentosa come to be there. this is the worst semester ever! in fact, any semester that i have to deal with history, sucks. it's making a domestic partner out of me.

talking about domestic partnership, i have seen a few friends' friendster account under which they classify themselves in a domestic partnership. what exactly is that? does that mean this relationship only happens on the shores of singapore and once you fly out of this island, you get into other relationships with no obligations tied? an open relationship means to be free to date anyone else right? so what exactly is a domestic partnership? how different is it from an open relationship? anyone care to enlighten me on this?

this new year is different from the past. someone dear is missing. the atmosphere in some sense was around but we can totally sense some differences. i'm all right when i just hear about my maternal grandmother but the feeling of loss comes when i think about the times she was around. heartbreaking. this experience has left some repercussions on me. sometimes when i reject an invitation or a request, scenes of what happened before grandma passed away flashes back and i shiver for a split second with fear that it could happen anytime as it did. i never really knew how dear my maternal grandma was to me until this had happened.

ok enough of that. i don't want to mess up everyone's birthday tomorrow on the 7th day of the lunar calendar. i saw this poster in nus today. something about a talk by warren buffett and some guy i don't know. i had thought of going until i saw the venue: usa. i thought that's crazy but the website states that they will make it affordable for nus students though it didn't state the cost. it's a one week trip and i'm hoping that i can make it halfway around the globe though it seems unlikely that i'll be able to save that much by then. and lincoln's bugging me to go japan this march. he'll kill me if i fly to the united states.

japan or usa? vote!
i'll be bloody grateful. minus the blood.