mainstream
Saturday, September 27, 2008 (12:19 PM)
The spotlights above made the glitters on the lipstick blinding. I twisted it open, aligned myself with the mirror and applied them with utmost care. It was what I depended on for a living. The gloss that glistened under the lightings always make me feel sexy especially when I pout. When the lipstick was done, I pursed my lips and pouted in the mirror. It was what I always did. I needed to tell myself "I'm sexy!" It always works.
I always become a confident woman behind the mask cosmetics create. It was like hiding beneath an invisible cloak, having full view of the terrain. I lock the crosshair at my target and fire. I feel powerful.
"Oh!" I noticed some skin colour on my cheeks. No, it's not rosy enough. I'm exposing too much of my true self. I couldn't bear the thought of having the slightest compromise to my cover. I picked up the brush and rapidly stroked it against my cheeks. "Ah! Perfect!"
I picked the most beautiful dress on the racks. One that could hide my figure. One that could create an illusory hourglass figure that I do not own. A few of the dresses made the cut and I couldn't decide. I picked up a few more and posed with them one-by-one in front of the full-length mirror. The more I looked at them, the more I couldn't decide. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and realised, other than the colour, they basically looked the same.
Yellow. I decided. I haven't donned myself in that colour in a long time. Being in this line, I figured I needed the attention. I matched the dress with a pair of shiny-red stilettoes and accentuated my height. Nevermind the poor colour combination. I needed the attention more than good fashion sense.
Sometimes, I feel lonely. No one seems to understand my work. I enjoy leading this double life but as much as I try to forget that loneliness, every now and then, it would hop off my left shoulder and tell me in my face "HEY! You're lonely!"
As the loud applause grew and ceased, I knew it was my turn. "I'm a woman" I told myself as I got ready for another night of cross-dressing performance.