hi what's your line?
Thursday, March 13, 2008 (10:32 PM)
i was reading hao's recent entry on some conversation he had with a colleague and it seems to be sort of an answer to the topic i was discussing with lilian moments earlier.
frankly, i've found a pretty well-paying freelance work and it pays so well, i don't feel like getting a full-time job. don't ask me how it pays. it's top secret! a clue would be that any full time job is simply hogging my time by paying me lesser. yes, i mean ANY.
but i have my doubts. getting a full-time job is sort of a security for myself. firstly, freelance jobs are quite sporadic and unpredictable. thus, if i were to rely on it and should it fail me one day, i am gonna be soooo dead. secondly, freelance work does not offer the kind of decor that a full-paying job does to my resume. working experience? it's as good as none. i'm not really bothered about the medical, insurance and cpf benefits that companies can offer because it's not that big a deal if things do work out. problem is, no one came back from a quantum leap to hint at anything.
it's back to the old alumni meetings setup and everyone is so well-to-do and suddenly a question shoots, "hi, what's your line?" and i'll really be wondering what my line should be. but reading hao's entry, it really sets me in a different perspective. is life really about donning western-influenced suits, marching to the random taps of shoes and stilettoes at freaking 8 o'clock in the morning, rushing through the crowded underpass of raffles place? i doubt and paul's famous street comes to mind. "the meaning in life isn't about the means to live"
a bigger problem is the contradiction i have within myself. as a right-thinking human, i crave for glory - now don't cda me. i don't need to be hugely famous or filthy rich but at the very least, i seem to subscribe to the japanese ideal of having a respectable designation printed on the small piece of card where i can hand out during chance meetings. at the same time, i dread imagining myself all dressed up in suit and slave it out for some company whose boss i barely know how to spell his name - that was an inclusive pronoun.
i'm still contemplating applying for a full-time job but breathing easier now. much easier.