time takes its toll
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 (11:29 PM)
it's not about me getting tired easily, being hard of hearing, locked knees, backaches or joint pains though these really sum up a lot of my problems.
but i noticed that when i say something and people misunderstand, misinterprete or do not understand, i tend to just let things be without bothering to explain. i'm just tired of explaining for reasons i don't really understand. maybe i'm just exhausted with the kind of energy needed to counter the i-refuse-to-believe-you response. sometimes even when i don't mean any harm in what i say, but which when interpreted wrongly might sound not nice and people choose to take the negative meaning, i just do nothing about it. i recall my defensive past and it's not really nice being that defensive about everything. sometimes, it becomes like egoism and holier-than-thou kind of appearance i seem to present. so after some time, i realised that it is ok to be the bulk of the joke sometimes rather than making others the joke. then as it drags on, i get clouded into thinking accepting every misunderstanding is ok. i don't always have to explain and win. this is bad news...
then people start to think that i'm weird. sometimes i just can't be comfortable with people especially when i don't know them for a long time. it's only when i'm with friends whom i've known a long time, at least for 4-5 years, that i can totally be myself and do all those crazy crap. occasionally, some amazing people are able to make me comfortable with them at the first meeting, but how often do these people come along?