stagnation
Saturday, July 22, 2006 (2:41 PM)
sometimes, when i think back on secondary school days or even poly days, i feel that i'm 83.
not '83 but 83. get it?
when you get past school life, especially for poly students, after graduation, it doesn't seem to matter much whether you are continuing education or not. the main thing is, most, if not all your friends will be working then the time to hang out and play gets lesser and more difficult since late nights are tough on the body of the regular salaryman. you wouldn't want to doze off at work.
erin was asking me if i do go out after work. then i think back... i don't. the last time i did was for preparation for the performance at the singapore soka association's event. and before that, i met up with bryan on a weekend to eat at sakae sushi. sounds like relax? but it was still for work. where have my friends gone?
most are working and it's tiring to go out after work especially when we don't stay that near to each other. since 13, i've been schooling in tampines for the next 7 years. most of my friends stay in that region. it's not that far from my place seriously but it's kinda hectic to be going out like 3 times a week after work to meet up. or is my body getting more unable to tahan late nights? i wouldn't mind meeting up once a week but sometimes i'm really worn out after work.
i used to try to save every little i can manage. in poly, my cashflow was down to the bare minimum. having 3 digits in my account was nothing rare. those 3 digits include the 2 following the decimal point. i've tried living on my own savings for one semester in my first year and by the end of the semester, i was out dry. then i cut down on eating (which explains my size), cut down on clothes (which explains my malfunctioning wardrobe), cut down on contact lenses (which explains my infected eyes), cut down on leisure (which explains my few going-outs and ignorance of fun places).
but by now, i'm not so tight with money anymore. i don't really know if it's due to tuesdays with morrie but i believe to some extent, it has a small impact in the way i think. and also, the loss of my maternal grandma played another portion. i can't tell what else has affected me this way but suddenly, money isn't that important to me now. sure it still is important but i've learnt that what matters most is being happy. sometimes sharing is really a kind of joy though i used to think sharity the elephant was cute but crap. sometimes i get to the most depressing pessimism that holding on to money you can't spend is pointless, but it's also logical. what happens if we just die the next day? my grandma was the healthy active lady at the age of 71. even when she visited the hospital for a checkup, she was still the clear-headed and joyful person. who would've expected her to leave us in less than 24 hours of her visit. not even herself. i don't wanna push the blame to anyone but the people in the hospital should know. and the one who is responsible should feel the guilt every time she puts on her white robe.
getting back, when life gets to this stage, everything seems to stagnate. but it's important to relish in the little joys we have. sometimes it doesn't hurt to go back and pass time like students on vacation. sure you have to save, but there's no need to scrimp. there's a reason why retail therapy exists.