20th august 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005 (9:46 PM)
something huge happened in the family. something heartbreaking. it isn't that i haven't thought of it before but what just happened made me feel more strongly about quitting school and starting work. i cannot deny the benefits of getting a degree yet i cannot be blinded by an artificially better prospect. i feel a need and an urgent need at that, to start earning some income for myself, for mum. not so much for my home - yet.
i see my cousin started yet another business and it's been getting some clients coming in. i see his hardwork and what is paying off. it's not a big payout as of now since it just took off but he's definitely going the direction he wants.
i thought i was really stone cold (nothing to do with wrestling). i felt an enormous grief on the day of the news. same thing on the following day. less of it for the subsequent 2 days. on the last day, the grief came back and now that it's over, it's still hanging on to me. i feel i'm missing someone precious.
20th august 2005, a day i will never forget. mum asked if i wanted to go for a 1-day singapore tour with her and my maternal grandma. i said i already paid for the summer festival ticket to be held at the japanese school changi campus - price $10. a few days before that saturday, mum asked again forgetting that i already had an 'appointment'. so i told her that i'm going to the japanese school for the summer festival. i thought, 'maybe next time'. regret. it really isn't important that the summer festival didn't turn out fun. i've given up the chance - the last chance - to have a day out with my maternal grandma for $10, and for meeting friends whom i haven't met for a long time not realising that i haven't seen my grandma even longer. early this year, at grandma's birthday celebration, i had thought of creating some kind of joke by rapping a bit of 周杰伦's 外婆 since the first sentence is 今天是外婆生日. i forgot to do it and thought, 'it's ok, i can do it next year'. next year? not anymore...
i've waited too much. procrastinated too much. didn't know how to prioritise. i think we need to learn to cherish every moment for we never know what's going to happen the next day. i always say 'maybe next time'. don't do that for there may never be a 'next time'. i always try to end my entries with a short humour. not this time.